So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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