i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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