Someone shit on the floor
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
is it fun? or sober?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
