toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
