yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
God I need to hump something, right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
