He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
