Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
