I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
