It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
