why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
