And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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