So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
foreskin is a definite game changer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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