So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
