All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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