I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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