wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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