you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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