As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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