My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
