Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
