I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
