I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
