I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
