Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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