He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
