My room smells like vodka and shame
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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