i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
