i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
