oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
