I have demons in me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
