I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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