Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
