3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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