Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
