I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love having hate sex.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
