And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
