I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize