don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
