Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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