ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
