my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
