Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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