Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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