When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
