she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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