i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
soo... how was my night?
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