you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
