I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
