So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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