2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
