He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
