At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize