just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
