In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
