I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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