Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
