I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize