I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
