I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
