I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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