The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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