forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
