omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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