We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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