I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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