I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
