watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
