In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
