so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
