So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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