I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
