There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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