i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
