fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
