i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
