My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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