I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
